So I just found out!
I have realised that my mother represents a lot of things about me, my life now and in the past. My feelings toward her have been a reflection of how I felt about myself- the things that I have been and done in the past that need healing.The things that I need to do now and into the future.
I have been angry at myself for these things and so have projected my anger onto my mother. I grew up with a terrible fear of my mother which developed into resentment and has affected our relationship as I grew older. I have not felt a bonding to my mother even though I am the only girl among her children. Instead I have tried to create as much distance as I could between us though I did not understand why, when others seemed so close to their mothers.
I have felt like I was abnormal, as if there was something wrong with me. Even when I tried to change my feelings and the way I related to her, it was in vain as I would return to that same sour attitude. I would find myself battling the same intense feelings of anger and resentment. I struggled for years with these feelings and feeling guilty that perhaps I am not normal. My husband has teased me about this and I have had to survive by putting on a mask.
Then I woke up one day. I started to realise there was a connection between my mother and I .It was deeper and stronger than I thought and I began to study this connection. So I am now trying to answer these questions:
Thus, I choose to forgive myself for all the wrongs I have done in this life and in my past life /lives. I release myself to heal my soul, to embrace light and to love unconditionally. I choose to accept my mother as she is without judgement- that way I will release myself from self-judgement. I will forever be grateful for her sacrifice , in teaching me to love myself.
Thank you mom!
Mosline Farawu is a writer of spiritual and intellectual articles that interrogate and shed light on women's issues . She lives in Zimbabwe, Africa and is a mother, life coach and entrepreneur.