I am Like My Mother

So I just found out!
I have realised that my mother represents a lot of things about me, my life now and in the past. My feelings toward her have been a reflection of how I felt about myself- the things that I have been and done in the past that need healing.The things that I need to do now and into the future.

I have been angry at myself for these things and so have projected my anger onto my mother. I grew up with a terrible fear of my mother which developed into resentment and has affected our relationship as I grew older. I have not felt a bonding to my mother even though I am the only girl among her children. Instead I have tried to create as much distance as I could between us though I did not understand why, when others seemed so close to their mothers.

I have felt like I was abnormal, as if there was something wrong with me. Even when I tried to change my feelings and the way I related to her, it was in vain as I would return to that same sour attitude. I would find myself battling the same intense feelings of anger and resentment. I struggled for years with these feelings and feeling guilty that perhaps I am not normal. My husband has teased me about this and I have had to survive by putting on a mask.

Then I woke up one day. I started to realise there was a connection between my mother and I .It was deeper and stronger than I thought  and I began to study this connection. So I am now trying to answer these questions:

• Does my mother's life mirror my life? For example she gave birth to three boys and one girl and I had three girls and one boy.
• Is there something I have to learn and heal through my relationship with her?
• Did we have a connection in a past life?
• How much has my mother influenced my spiritual development? It seems she has played an important part in making me realise who I truly am.

Then I also realised that my mother is a strong woman and she loves me very much to agree to play this role in my life. Perhaps I should love myself more than I have done in my life. It is not easy for her to play this role. She also needs to heal from these personal issues and yet she has allowed me to go first. I love you mom-you are special.

Thus, I choose to forgive myself for all the wrongs I have done in this life and in my past life /lives. I release myself to heal my soul, to embrace light and to love unconditionally. I choose to accept my mother as she is without judgement- that way I will release myself from self-judgement. I will forever be grateful for her sacrifice , in teaching me to love myself.
 Thank you mom!